'Mattering'

the importance of feeling valued and 'seen'.

Photo by Dmitrii E. on Unsplash

Thoughts and musings

I love being given a suggestion of something to read, watch or listen to. You could say that this is also one of the reasons why writing my weekly ‘glimmers’ is so important to me. The hope that I can signpost a recommendation that will make an impact on those reading. Digging a little deeper, I can identify that it matters to me that a friend or colleague has thought of me when they reach out. When they say, “I saw this and thought of you.”

This exact situation occurred only this week. A wonderful friend of mine sent me a message to say, “Laura, this is a gorgeous book - I thought of you as I listened to it this morning.” So, I pressed play on a commute. It resonated immediately. The title of this book is ‘Mattering’ by Jennifer Breheny Wallace.

As I listened to the important messages and observations that Wallace was making, not only was I making connections within my own personal life but these points were also clearly applicable within the school environment. At the point of writing this glimmer I am still only on Chapter 1! Yet, the thoughts, musings, ideas and practical suggestions had already begun to take form - and I was keen to share them with you this week.

Ideas and practical suggestions

So, how can the idea of ‘mattering’ be acknowledged, actioned and nurtured within the school environment and embedded into daily routines? Below are two suggestions which I hope can be actioned with minimal time spent preparing. Think of these as more of a shift towards intention when considering how to show pupils and staff members that they matter.

An overarching concept which the book begins with is the idea of “I’m telling.” As educators, I am sure we can hear the intonation of this phrase as a child may approach with a tale about something a peer has done ‘wrong’. However, what if this phrase was reframed as an encouragement to recognise the little things that matter? Wallace shares stories of firefighters who were keen to change the culture of acceptance which had developed in their work place - where all daily acts were treated the same. Classified as ‘the norm’. Part of the job description. Fulfilling a duty. To instead encourage team mates and their superiors to spot actions which made a difference. To acknowledge that these choices mattered - and to tell someone. Well of course, this got me thinking!

1. Pupils

• How can we cultivate a culture for pupils where they feel that they matter whilst simultaneously encouraging them to authentically communicate to others that they matter too?

  • Remember what they said. This may seem so obvious but is so easy to forget during the busyness of the school day. Just making a mental (or perhaps physical) note of how a child said they were going to spend their weekend, an interest or hobby they have or a little piece of news which they share (seemingly inconsequential) can make such a difference to an individual when you follow up with them about it. Or use it to make a recommendation (e.g. “I know that you mentioned you go to a kickboxing class, have you seen this book in the library about martial arts?”¹)

  • Secret Pupil/Star of the Week. Long-standing celebrations but it may be worth having a check-in to ensure that they really are acknowledging why a child’s choices or achievements matter. Perhaps the piece of work the child was gained recognition for is photocopied or digitally sent home. Or follow-ups are actioned, such as making a child a ‘kindness ambassador’ in the playground due to their authentic care and interest. I was recently in a school where the children all wrote notes about the pupils in their class expressing kind words about their personalities and qualities. If they were chosen as the ‘secret pupil’ these were displayed for all to see for the week and then taken home on Friday.

  • Displays. How do we show the children that they matter? What values, successes and qualities do we celebrate - and how? Displays are a wonderful way to show the children, visitors and wider school community what matters. Displays may link to the school’s mission and vision. They may include photographs, examples of work and quotes. They could even be 3D! Another recent school visit had me greeted at the door by a ‘kindness tree’ where pupils, staff and parents had written notes about the children and staff recognising their kind actions.

  • Curriculum. If the children aren’t able to connect with what is being taught then their motivation to engage with the content will undoubtedly be reduced. Of course, many of us will teach in a school or setting where there is a curriculum with a set of objectives to be taught and you may also be expected to follow a set approach or scheme. Equally, teaching is a demanding profession and there is not always the time (or the resources) to adapt every lesson to each child’s individual interest. Instead, this is about once again listening to what the children share and making small changes where you can. For example, giving the children the opportunity to decide on the questions they would like to research about a certain topic, or considering the outcomes of tasks (could these be presented in different ways? Is there an opportunity for choice?) The curriculum should be something children feel matters to them, that they are part of, rather than something that they have to “get through”.²

  • Kindness jar. I started one of these with a class I taught many years ago where there was a continual underlying feeling of unrest. The children were often unkind to each other and found empathy a challenge. Writing about each other kindly was not an option for most of these children so we removed a barrier. We explored the concept of kindness and created little prompts detailing acts which they identified as ‘kind’. These were put in the jar. Children would then be invited to help themselves to a little slip of kindness from the jar which they would be tasked to complete anonymously. Over time, the culture began to change. The children started to see that their words and actions mattered. Over time, these acts became more natural and ingrained.

2. Teachers

• How can we cultivate a culture for staff members where they feel that their actions (and lives beyond school) truly matter?

  • Keep ‘An Impact File’. This one lands with the teachers themselves, but just as I have previously suggested collecting and celebrating 'glimmering moments’³ across the week, Wallace suggests keeping a physical record of ways in which you matter. Think of the emails you have received from leaders, colleagues or parents. A card a child made you during wet/hot play. An end of year gift in the form of a bracelet, where the child has painstakingly threaded the letters to spell out, ‘Best Teacher Ever’. Keeping these all in one place to refer back to as a reminder that all of your choices, all of your effort, is truly recognised - and it truly does matter.

  • Staff shout outs. As educators, we rarely do things for praise. As the firefighter in the book recognised, we are “just doing our jobs”. Yet we know as teachers, the hats you wear are far-reaching and the tasks are never-ending. So how wonderful when someone makes a point of “telling” a line manager about how you went above and beyond during the school production. Or as a leader, or colleague, sending an email (or even better a handwritten card - in my opinion) to say thank you and specifically outline the action - and the impact. There may even be a space on a display board, or a digital shared space, where these moments of mattering are collected - and celebrated!

  • “Guardian angel”. I was part of this initiative in a large school where it would have been so easy for staff members to fly under the radar. For their successes, and their struggles, to go unnoticed. Yet, because we all had a “guardian angel”, one anonymous person who was assigned to be “keeping an eye on us”, we never felt quite alone. The tasks that would be undertaken would be varied. Sometimes as simple as popping a sticky note on the desk with a positive thought for the day. Or arranging so that our duties were covered (this one took a little more thought to ensure we stayed anonymous). It was the small touches that meant you knew someone always had your back. Someone who was reassuring you that you mattered.

  • Thank crunchie it’s Friday! I had a fantastic Deputy Head who every now and again placed mini Crunchie bars on our desks on random Fridays. A bit of a gimmick but we loved it. This day also often encouraged us into the staff room to make a cup of tea to enjoy our Crunchies with and where many of us would have the chance to have a catch-up ahead of the weekend - talking about topics beyond school. It was such a little boost, all encouraged by one little honeycombed treat.

  • Remembering birthdays/celebrations. Again, this doesn’t require a lot of time and effort but will need a system and a bit of organisation. Also, an understanding of individual staff’s desires (not everyone will be grateful of a big announcement, but they may appreciate a discrete card or a comment of recognition).

1. Engaging reluctant readers

2. The joy of lesson planning

3. What is a 'glimmer'